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A Video For Those With Post Traumatic Guide Syndrome

By Tom Chandler 9/28/2012

I'd guess everybody else has already seen this, but since I'm living in a cave -- and I've declared bankruptcy in keeping up with online stuff -- it feels new to me. So it's new to the Underground.

Dedicated to everyone who has ever paid good money to fish with someone disturbingly like Hank...

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Tom Chandler

As the author of the decade leading fly fishing blog Trout Underground, Tom believes that fishing is not about measuring the experience but instead of about having fun. As a staunch environmentalist, he brings to the Yobi Community thought leadership on environmental and access issues facing us today.

9 comments
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lololololololololol Funniest thing ever!!!
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Theo Pike: The guide wouldn’t let me handle and unhook my own fish, I had a similar experience with a guide who refused (at first) to let me try a nymph I'd tied specifically for that river (back in TN). The control freak aspect of it is no fun at all.
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A few winters back I went fishing with that guy out of a certain ski resort in Colorado. It's rare for me to hire a guide, but needed wheels to get from the resort to flowing water, so booked half a day on a relatively local river (since the fly shop refused point blank to even try to get me over to the Frying Pan... as a long-time reader of Gierach I'd have loved to see what all the fuss was about). ... more The guide wouldn't let me handle and unhook my own fish, and was clock-watching so hard that at the end of a rather slow morning's fishing he marched us right past rising fish on the way out, insisting he had to be somewhere else... no tip for you, pal!
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I spent a day on the Lower Sac with that guy. He rowed 16 river miles while spouting profanity, spitting tobacco juice into the wind, and cursing into his cell phone. The conversation went something like "Yeah that fucking so and so has got to ger her fucking HIT! HIT! HIT! AWW FUCK YOU MISSED ANOTHER ONE! FUCK! SHIT! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU MISSED ANOTHER FUCKING HIT!" and then right back to "So anyway ... more she's got to get her fucking so and so into fucking shape before she fucking bla bla bla bla . . . " When his phone finally died he borrowed mine. After mis-casting into a tree I got a stern lecture on how long it takes to re-tie a Lower Sac rig and how he "didn't have time for this fucking bullshit." At that point I was hoping he'd abandon me on a gravel bar before I got sprayed with tobacco juice. (I later learned that this particular guide--who may or may not be named Hank Paterson--has abandoned clients on gravel bars on numerous occasions.) On the other hand, those Betty White Nymphs produced some nice brown-bows. I think The Fly Shop is the exclusive retailer for Betty White Nymphs and Hopper-Dropper-Dropper-Hopper-Dropper rigs (I really need to get the recipe.) All in all it was $400 well spent. Thanks Hank!
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I bet lots of my readers are suffering flashbacks...
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I think I used to work with that guy...
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I haven't fished with a guide for many years, and I instituted a "no handling the bamboo" rule after watching a guide attempt to twist the nickel silver ferrules on a fave bamboo rod together. "Uhh, I'll handle that, thanks."
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Ah, yes, or the guide who underlines your rod for you, without telling you what he is doing 'cause he doesn't want you to mess up your bamboo rod; you spend the first hour of fishing wondering why in the hell you can't load the rod...
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Those are beyond hilarious!
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